i REALLY want to be more active on dA like reallyyyyy because even if i kind of hate this place i love it too and i dont give my watchers enough credit sooooo leave a character here or something and i might doodle something up as a thanks for sticking by lil ole me

Lolol sorry for the excitement but she's my one of favorite artists and a really good friend of mine. She has just AMAZING art and I really want more people to see her art. Since she just joined today she doesn't have much up but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO WATCH HER SHE IS AMAZINGGGGGGGGG

Soooo it's been a while since I talked to you guys :/ Reason being I've practicly moved to Tumblr sooooo give me a follow if you're on there ^^ My Tumblr:[link] post most my art there. Only about 20% of my art makes it on dA COME THERE AND BE MY FRIEND TOO Be warned, it's practicly all 999 :I I'LL PROBABLY BE DRAWING MOSTLY 999 UNTIL GPD COMES OUT SORRY GUYS

Anyways, back to the point. I've been looking for some RPG games to play, but I'm kinda stingy with them. The only RPG game I've played is Chrono Trigger, which is one of my favorite games~ If you guys know any RPG games on the DS/3DS that are similar to Chrono Trigger please please tell me >!

Aaaaand with that I'll go ahead and continue making the 999 arts you guys hatelove so much

[link] Gonna be talking to my watchers, so have your volume up if you want.

Anyone up for that? Post a comment on which you want to do and I'll comment back if i'm interested~ We can talk more about it when I get the word~

Um, on that previous journal some of the comments are huge, I really just can't bring myself to respond to them. It's really just too much emotional weight on me, and I'm really not strong emotionally like most people, especially right now. And yeah I think I've figured myself out. I'm an average full-of-shit-attention whore unappealing artist. Like, there's no other explanation. No matter what i draw or how I draw not many people will look at it. And I forgot to mention in the previous journal that I used to open a lot of requests in the past, and still do on Tumblr. But you know, no one even goes for that. No one even wants to see my "art" for free. And now I realize what I really enjoy about art is the attention. My favorite kind of art is gift art. That's really all I want to do. Probably for the attention. But I guess I did hold a little bit of self-gratification when things are done. But too bad for that, because it all gets destroyed when 20 or so people view it and I see 5-10 minute doodles get 1000 views. To be honest I've been feeling this way for a long time. I don't know why it suddenly just hits me hard enough to compell me into writing this journal.

To sum it up: I'll probably keep drawing shit forever and I'll probably feel shit about it forever. And it may not seem like it, but I just really appreciate that all of you guys can put up with this..

Hopefully my dA is as ignored as I think it is, but please ignore this, I'm mainly just writing it as venting. Even that i didn't really want to write about, but seeing all my favorite artists, friends, and even my sister going down I just don't want to bottle it up anymore.

So why do I still draw ? I really don't know, I can't say I remember enjoying working on most of my art. And I dunno, when I was younger I was a huge attention whore, not art-wise though, but with people. Although I feel like I've matured, I've been worrying if that's the main reason I've been drawing. but I'm not too sure about that either, because (as assinine and selfish as this may sound) not many people look at my art. Also for some reason when I start sketching I feel happy, but when I get it onto Photoshop I just hate it, but feel the need to finish it because I already started.

Another thing is the subject of art. I probably shouldn't be complaining too much about subject, since I'm pretty narrow-minded on that part right now. But a while ago when I was a little more diverse I noticed this problem. I've been talking to a few fan artists and it's basicly concluded that most people will only look at an artwork if its on a certain book/tv show/video game series. Unffortunately this is true, at least from my experience. Some of my art has litterally taken over a month to complete but is overshadowed by say, a Sonic the Hedgehog picture I spent one night on because I wanted to make my sister laugh. I dunno, maybe if I made a new account and turned into a Sonic/MLP/whatever else is popular that I have no interest in artist I wouldn't be feeling this.

Also, style crisis. I really don't feel like my "style" is very special, not out of self-pity but out of honesty. Really, no joke. All I do is draw a little character thing, scan it, pen tool+fill path+ delete path. Rinse, lather, repeat. There's nothing special or skillful about that. Sometimes I wish anime was appealing to me, so I could adopt a run-of-the-mill anime style. I always felt like my art isn't appealing because it's not completely Japanese-styled. Or it's not a generic digital painting style that I can't freaking discriminate from 95% of artists on here. And that's where the attention whore symptoms kick in. I mean I've been style imitating the past couple deviations, I really just loathe my "art" that much.

I wouldn't blame this whole thing on dA, it kind of seems like any website I got to my art is just...unlikeable for most people. Not really good, not really bad, just boring. Or maybe it's me, maybe if the artist's boring no one'll look at the art I dunno. The worst part about this whole mess is that I've been feeling this way for a while, but I still keep drawing. Heaven knows why, I just keep doing it, like it's some kind of drug. I mean I already know not many people are gonna see it, I'll probably hate it in the future, and I'm just waisting time, but yet I'll continue to keep drawing and posting even after this journal.

TL;DR I'm whining and bitching and you should probably stop watching me

Might have some problems but here's the link [link]

I'll be working on my Court Records contest entry thing. Oh and if you come make sure to have your volume on, I'll be talking with my watchers alot